(warning, even though I'm going to talk about some shit it's to vent not because I need the general pro-positive speeches about how I just need to lighten up or get psychiatric help. I'm generally a happy person.)
(warning you may want to skip to the next paragraph because this is the bit where I tell a graphic story)
So I was at a friend's house the other day, watching Digimon and making snide comments about it while looking at it from an adult perspective. Sometime thourgh it my friend's roommate came down stairs with a mostly empty forty-ounce in her hand, and started watching the show with us. His roommate started telling me about how she likes the deeper meanings in shows also about how she wished that she was more open with people. eventually she motioned me to the kitchen. (at this point most of what she said was unintelligible, she was obviously drunk) So I followed her into the kitchen, as she lost her slipper along the way, where she told me about how she found the other people living in my friend's house a bit odd but didn't judge them for it, and how she wishes that people would be more genuine in the way they acted rather than pulling as much of a facade as she said most people do, slipping in something about making out between a hefty bit of dialog and telling me that she wasn't going to be my girlfriend or anything. From here my friend ended the episode with the evil chicken on the cruise ship in the middle of the desert he was watching and told us both while we where in his kitchen that he was going to bed and asked me to lock up his dog before I left. as soon as my friend shut the door behind him Leaving me and his roommate alone in the kitchen, where she told me she was going to give me the best blowjob ever and got down on her knees. as she fiddled with my pants she kept losing her grip on the linoleum floor until I finally suggest we go over to the couch. She agreed and I lead her to the couch where she compleated removing my pants and proceeded to stick my johnson into her mouth. She novicely licked and slurped it in her mouth all the while keeping her lips in an airtight seal around my cock, whilst I pushed my friend's dog's nose away from my gentles. (unfortunately this was actually the worst blowjob I've ever had) Anyway,after a while she came up for a breath and said "it takes a lot for you to cum huh?", I asked if she wanted for me to return the favor and she proceeded to slip off her jeans and slide backward onto my lap until she finally reached down and slipped my dick into her slit. Then she began to take charge bouncing up and down. Me feeling a bit useless began to reach up her shirt to message her tits only to be stalled briefly by the jewelery I found attached to her belly button. Eventually she tired of this positionand kneeled forword onto the floor head planted in the carpet and ass raised high, at this point my head finally caught up with my dick and I realized that I didn't have a condom and would not have any acess to one. So as I continued I tried using my thumb to play with her pussy,but she would have none of that. She grabbed my arm and pulled me in, where I caved in and plunged my member into her honeypot. She eventualyy grew tired of this position as well and moved us back to the coutch where she pinned me down and rode me while kissing me with a wide open mouth aggressively biting me all the while. A bit into it I was on top and plowing her after she told me to do anything I wanted. Even though I wanted to keep myself from cumming in her, I was also dead set on making her cum as a personal goal. I tried giving it all I had often slipping out on accident (because lets face it I'm horrible at sex)until eventually she told me to slow down. I complied with this request and she continue to tell me about how she enjoys it slow. eventually I just laid with her talking about people being genuine in their actions. She asked me if I was a good person. I told her I wasn't able to judge myself. /this went on for a while until I finally started talking to her about how I should probably get home and that she probably should get back to her room. She argued that she didn't want to lay back down with the man she had brought to her room much before she started fooling around with me. Eventually she started toward the stairs but seemed to have a bit of trouble getting to them so I offered to help, but when she got to the stairs she used them to offer her ass to me again, flashing a look on her face that i couldn't turn down so I fucked her a bit on the stairs, doggy style and she sucked me off a but and the she rolled on her back and I began to give it to her in the missionary again until she said "what would you do if I got pregnant?" I stopped, the first thing I uttered was "did I? I don't think I did...", then I went on thinking through the scenario, "I guess I would have to take responsibility...", then she began kissing me again . From here I got my composure back and told her I really needed to get back home and she needed to get some sleep. after fellating me again she finnally agreed and disappeared into her room while I put my pants back on, locked up my friend's dog and drove home. Fortunately I didn't cum that night, but I don't think she did either. The next day most of the people living in my friend's house and I went to see that new Miyazaki film. Afterwords when everybody but the woman I had sex with the night before and myself was in the bathroom she told me "sorry I kinda raped you last night", and I told her, "I never exactly said no."
I swear I am the biggest opportunistic prick in the world. It's only fitting that I haven't been able to feel good about any of the times I've had sex, so chalk me up another bastard point for how drunk she was before this happened. Although I guess, plastered is the only way girls will even think about getting with me. honestly it had been at least 7 years before this since I'd had sex but I really shouldn't use desperation as an excuse because I'm honestly just a horrible person some times. Maybe it's just because I'm weak, There is only so much of a woman throwing herself you a man can take before you break down and say "Well, I'm not gay," but I should have had more self control than I presented there. I thought I had more thoughts on the subject but, I, I don't know. I just feel bad and I know I should, but I don't know. Oh well.